One of the most powerful topics that can radically divide people’s oppinion. Everyone of the modern world meets with the question at some point of his life: Do I want children? If so, am I ready for it? And even if I think it’s right for me, will my choice fulfill my expectations? I’ve talked with three of my acquintances about that.
The first one is a hard working, middle-class family father with 3 daughters. He told me I can forget about my own free time from the birth of the first child. With three children, they have no solitude, nor spontaneous intimate occasions. However, he is happy with it and claims it’s worth the efforts. “Imagine that you are 10 years older, in your late thirties. You work hard, yet you have experienced all the benefits of being young, being free and wild. You have money for whatever you want, and you have no irrealistic needs. What’s the next step? It is making a child.” – he told. “All days are different thanks to the three girls, and they give you a sensation of love that’s not comparable to anything from your life before”.
The second father I asked has 4 daughters and zero wives for now. They have been living a stormy marriage, and none of their daughters was planned, they only were undertaken. My friend was fleeing from his marital problems by making children that kept him busy. He is on a similar oppinion than the first man. He says almost none of us are preparred for a child, even though we all think so. However, he said being a father is the ultimate emotional stage for a man, literally reproducing you and giving a change to correct mistakes of your parents. But I doubt that. If we all had corrected the mistakes of our parents, all kids would live a dream life for centuries now. I’m also not sure if I could do better than my parents, nor do I want to try. This friend of mine is seeking for his next wife, and he even wants more children when he finds the right woman for it.
The third one I spoke with was my own mother. First I asked her why has she had decided to have a child, and if she regrets having one, having me. Even though I knew even if I was a disappointment to her, she wouldn’t tell me, but we use to have honest conversations and I really hoped she can prescind. She could. She explained when she entered in her thirties, her parents were putting her under pressure and were coninuosly asking her when will they have a grandchild, and this was one of the reasons why she decided to have one. The other reason was her selfishness, She hoped to be loved, with love she was craving for through all her life. I don’t accuse her for it, since without her decision I wouldn’t even have been born, and I don’t agree with the antinatalists who claim that being born is a pain, and forcing someone to be born is the primordial sin. My mother told me she does not regret any moment, however she described the early years in a similar way than the two men before. She counted on the help of her parents, which she was never given of, and had a hard time on raising me respect to time, money and emotional energy. I dramatically changed her life, in a way that can’t be undone. She said she wouldn’t revert it, but this last statement is barely reliable. Even while talking with strangers, many people simply won’t admit that they made a mistake by having children. That’s like buyer’s remorse. When you buy a macbook, you won’t ever admit if you feel to have mistaken, since it was expensive and classy, something you should be unconditionally proud of.
The above mentioned philosophical school declares that existence is negative since we can experience pain and pleasure, but pain is a more dominant and lasting feeling. Not being born is considered neutral, thus desired, since non-existence involves no pain and no pleasure. They even have a radical group, the Human Extinction Movement, whose primary intention is in their name. However, I agree with some principles of anti-natalism, like we should not increase the current overpopulation crysis, and if we would having a child so badly, we should took the way of adoption instead of creating another human to a planet that already has too many. Some of us can’t imagine that because of their irrational adherence of reproducing of one’s own blood and flesh, which is nothing but a narcistic thought about one’s genome to be superior to any other being’s.
I even found groups of people who share the soft anti-natalistic point of view, namely, the childfree. They call themselves child-free to indicate their state doen’t imply a negative charge like the term “childless” does. They are free of children, free of burden, free of obligation. I found this childfree guy’s blog first. It hasn’t been updated for half a year now, and its author seemed to have serious depression in the last couple of posts, even mentioned suicide. That would be a double-edged example if such a happy, childfree man really killed himself, but even if he did so, it was not related to his choice of not having children. A study on lifehacker also proves couples are happier who have no children.
You could say it’s hard, even might be impossible and unreliable to form an oppinion on something one haven’t experienced. I agree with that, and I’m pretty sure that my attitude might gradually change over time in many areas of life. One of my friends told me I’m just afraid of being a father, but I don’t think it’s the situation here. Having a child raises similar feelings in me like having a bowl of spinach. I don’t remember eating a full bowl ever, but I remember tasting it. I even tasted it more times, just to make sure it was not a prejudice. I’ve always found its taste disgusting. And I don’t fear eating it, I just don’t want to if I can choose. I’m seeing former classmates of mine, posting images of being pregnant or ones of their newborn babies. And others just celebrate it. When I see something like that, it makes me think about their future. The future of that child that arrived into phisical existence that even a quarter century is not enough to get used to. The future of the girl, who just made an irreversible choice. She might be satisfied with her choice though, even if I can’t imagine that right now. Some of us might crave for that lifestyle. They are not compulsorily the same people who might be able to do it responsibly though.
If there were any politician who would give his name to it, we should bind childmaking to a license. Many of us just copulate and don’t think further than the orgasm they reach, thus making a darker world with unwanted children. Even Pope Francis admitted that abortion is not a sin any longer, God bless that man, lol. You might ask how would one get license to breed. Well, it should be based on intelligence, health and financial stability of each of the parents. If the two parent candidates would have proof they can raise children and it’s not harmful to the current society, they were let to make one. Yess, that’s more dictatoric than figures of our history ever were, but would be desireable since people of this Earth obviously lack self-control and responsibility. At overpopulated countries, there would be no permission for the people to breed. At all. They could adopt though, or emigrate to a country where they might get better “breeder rating” respect to that country’s social situation. And what would we do with people who make children without permission? We might take their child, adopt it to someone, and send them to prison for life! This concept would also assure the progress of our biological evolution, since only the intelligent would reproduce.
Finally, take the poll if you mind, providing some local statistics here.